Facebook Affirmations, Vol. VI

In my news feed on Facebook I will be served a daily dose of Christian affirmations from friends.  In this series of posts, which I call “Facebook Affirmations™,” I will post and discuss some of these gems. Here’s the affirmation for today:

Jesus Is My Plumber
Satan plugged my pipes.

This isn’t the first time or the first person I’ve seen attribute plumbing problems (or solutions) to the supernatural.  This is, however, a perfect example of how conversations go with believers who have no reasonable justification for their beliefs.  You ask a question, they answer vaguely, you ask for clarification, they run away.  I don’t get it.

First, as I asked on Facebook, how does a person differentiate ordinary, everyday plumbing woes (that have been occurring since plumbing was invented) from those that are caused by direct interference from Satan?  How does a plumbing problem look when it’s caused supernaturally as compared to one caused naturally?  If there’s not a difference, then why in the world would you ever assume that one is caused by supernatural means?

Second, if Satan really were in the business of messing with plumbing, why?  What possible good could come to Satan and the legions of Hell by clogging up your drains?  Will you suddenly deconvert from Christianity because your toilet won’t flush?  I don’t think so. There’s no conceivable benefit to a malevolent supernatural entity with a keen interest in the human soul from plugging up your pipes so it’s just silly to think that it would ever happen.

Third, if Satan caused the problem shouldn’t you be able to just pray to god to immediately fix it?  I mean, a supernatural problem requires a supernatural solution, does it not?  I hope you haven’t reached for the plunger or called a plumber yet.  You could just make it worse!  Get on your knees, and I’m sure the water will be flowing again in no time.

Fourth, if you’re going to make some wild assertion about invisible demons screwing with your bathroom you’re going to need to come up with some sort of rational basis to defend it.  People who have an elementary understanding of plumbing aren’t going to just accept that “the devil did it.”  They might even try to educate you, for all the good it’ll do.  But honestly, don’t do a drive-by crazy post and pretend that it’s reasonable when you say, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”  That’s not reasonable; that’s denial.

Last, how are you going to “NOT LET [LUCIFER] WIN?”  Assuming that the dark lord gains a foothold in your life through sin are you going to just stop sinning altogether?  Are you going to become superhuman and über-righteous all of the sudden, just because you need your toilet?  Is plumbing the catalyst for you to finally have that perfect relationship with god you always wanted but just couldn’t seem to find the proper motivation?  How silly.  It saddens me that these ridiculous beliefs are being propagated to the next generation.

As usual, if you’re religious and you’re reading this I’d love to hear your rebuttals.  If you’re irreligious and you’ve seen some gems and would like to pass them along, please send them to me and I’ll discuss them in future installments.  Until next time, this has been Facebook Affirmations™!



  1. Hey Jon

    I stumbled at your blog yesterday when I just “googled” some keywords about Cain and his “knowledge” of if is “bad” to kill. I liked your thoughts on that, and I can tell that mine were absolutely equal and not only on Cain, not only on Genesis. I still go to a church which is very similar to the description of Destiny Church you have visited, and I sit there and listen and I have the same or similar questions and objections as you.
    I just asked myself: “Is something wrong with me, that I don’t see or understand what intelligent, educated people understand when reading the Bible, and believing it to be the Word of God, one on one, infallible, accurate, inerrant etc.?” I don’t think I am smarter than most of them, but I have hard time to believe that the Almighty God would communicate with us nowadays only trough a book, that sounds like fairy tails, and tell us either to believe it 100%, or go to hell (literally).
    I enjoy your posts, and I like your friendly, open-minded questions, with no profanity (so far :)), sincere curiosity and

  2. Hi again
    I got interrupted, and couldn’t finish my thought.
    So, yes, I think your posts are great, and I look forward to reed more. I wish more Christians to reed your blog and comment, so we would have a good debate, because I think in church people like me don’t dare raise any questions, or if they do, they risk losing their friends and even family members’ respect, relationship and becoming outcasts. I admire your courage to express openly your thoughts to your family who is religious. How are they taking it?

    On the plumber’s problems that Lucifer caused… What to say…? If this person knows how ridiculous they sound… But I came to conclusion that it is very difficult to one to make their mind on a subject like faith. You ask why they avoid debate and quit the conversation? Because they have no reasonable answer. And they are afraid to talk to you and to think about these things. Once one starts thinking on their own and stop accepting all dogma they feed them, they realize many things.