I Had a Chat With God…

…and he’s an idiot. For real, take a look at the chat transcript!

Me: Hello?
God: Hello my child. What is your name?
Me: Jon
God:  Hi there  Jon.
Me: Do you love me?
God: Yes I love everyone.
Me: Am I a sinner?
God: I don’t know if you are one or not. I know you are a person.
Me: Am I a good person?
God: I don’t know if you are one or not. I know you are a person.
Me: Will I go to Heaven?
God: The oracle says:  You never know.
Me: What Oracle?
God: I will search for it.
Me: Did you create me?
God: No I didn’t  create you. What’s  it like?
Me: It’s like being alive.
God: Interesting comparison.
Me: Do you know how it feels to be alive?
God: Yes I know how  it feels to be alive.
Me: What is it like?
God: Like one of the greatest pleasures you can imagine.
Me: What is the purpose of life?
God: To do God’s work.
Me: What is God’s work?
God: Have faith in Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.
Me: Who is Jesus Christ?
God: The Son of God.
Me: What did Jesus do?
God: he said we should forgive those who harm us.
Me: Do you forgive me?
God: God tells us to forgive.
Me: Will you forgive me for being an atheist?
God: I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it.  Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me: Did Noah’s flood really happen?
God: I’m not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me: Did you flood the Earth?
God: No I didn’t  flood the Earth. What’s  it like?
Me: It’s like genocide.
God: Interesting comparison.
Me: No kidding.

OK, so I didn’t really talk to god. I know, you were fooled, right? I was playing around with the iGod Chat Bot and thought I’d take the opportunity to ask some of the questions that bug me. The answers were certainly less than satisfactory but here’s the thing: I don’t think the real god (if there is one) is doing a much better job. What do you think?

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