Religious Rhinoplasty

My religion has a long-standing tradition, mandated by my all-knowing and loving god of giving all newborns nose jobs so that they’re shaped like a perfect little button. My god doesn’t like bulbous or pointy noses and in order for children to get into eternal paradise, they must follow in obedience to my god and have their nose “perfected.” The procedure is outlined in my holy text wherein it is commanded for each child’s nose to be broken with a smooth stone and set in the shape that pleases my god.


“I’m glad god loves me now that my nose is perfect!”

Don’t you dare tell me that this practice violates my child’s free will or harms them in any way! My god loves us and wants the best for us and the children don’t suffer any kind of lasting trauma from the procedure, even though no anesthetic of any kind can be used. In fact, this procedure has very real health benefits by opening up the nasal passages which eliminates much of the risk of sinus infection, mucosal blockage, and deviated septums. I know this because it says so on Wikipedia. You can look it up for yourself, I’m not going to do your research for you.

When I heard that certain groups were lobbying to make my religious practice illegal, I was outraged! Don’t we have freedom of religion here? Aren’t I free to practice my faith without being molested by the government everywhere I turn? As a parent I ought to be able to make the decision as to whether or not I bash my child in the face with a rock. It’s MY choice! Oh, and I want to make sure that my health insurance is going to cover the procedure, OK? Thanks.

If you think this is a stupid comparison, it’s probably because you have stupid beliefs. I’m not going to sugar-coat it.

Check this out:

20 Comments

  1. It took me a second to realize this was about circumcision (or, as some may call it, Male Genital Mutilation). 

    I didn’t have any thoughts on the issue until several months ago when I came across a debate — I hadn’t known how utterly useless the procedure was etc etc. 
    Love this comparison.

  2. @thepsychoticraccoon –  It took me a second to realize this was about circumcision (or, as some may call it, Male Genital Mutilation). 

    Or female genital mutilation. (Though, very few have charitable views of the procedure in the U.S.)

    I’m interested in seeing to see how Xanga’s more religious folks take this entry.

  3. Pretty true.

    The sad thing is, (particularly within Christianity) the need for circumcision isn’t there anymore, thanks to Jesus Christ. It should be only the Jews who need to do this.

    It’s completely unnecessary, and I haven’t heard one coherent argument for it. My boys won’t be circumcised, and my chief argument would be, if you want to do it to boys, why don’t you want to do it to girls?

    I think I’d end up with crickets chirping in response.

    Nice post, nicely written comparison.

  4. I’ve heard from adults who had to have a circumcision because of an infection, as an adult, that they would have preferred it to have been done in infancy. And allegedly it made no difference to them as far as feeling goes. 

    It’s not a religious practice for everyone it is a disagreement about medical necessity.

    I agree with the sentiment that religious practices that edge on child abuse are awful.
    But the distinction is a bit harder to make, because medical science, isn’t an exact science. We don’t want the government to have the ability to decide for parents what medical decisions are best for this kids, when legitimately the parents might know better(family history, personal experience etc.)
    Practices like female circumcision, do not serve any medical purposes, and have uncontested morbidity as a result.
    With male circumcision there IS disagreement as to whether there is any negative effect for the individual.

    The Christian groups who would deny their children blood transfusions on religious grounds might seem clearly to be negligent of their kids.  
    However, in the 80’s donated blood infected with aids was a problem and it walks on dangerous ground to say a parent wouldn’t have the right to make that choice for their child.

  5. It is an apt comparison.  However, I really don’t think that outlawing Bris is the answer here.  I don’t miss my penis flap.  Do you?  If so, you must have a really good life, if that’s one of your major concerns.

  6. @suicide_king23 – Unfortunately, I wouldn’t know whether or not I miss my foreskin – that opportunity was taken from me at birth. However, given the information I’ve found in my research I’m inclined to think that given the chance I’d like to have it back, for various reasons.

    And yes, I do have a very good life. 

  7. @CoderHead – Well, I want to say your being intrusive and advocating tyranny, but based on my own admitted political principles, I have to admit that you’re right; circumcision should be left up to the male when he’s old enough to determine whether or not that’s what he really wants.  Still, I don’t see it as one of the more urgent issues of the day.

  8. Being born into a Catholic family, I was circumcised as a baby.  Now that I’m older and free of religious insanity, I wonder if I can seek reparations from the Catholic church?  

  9. @Jal_Phoenix – I think it would be wrong to hold the church responsible for your (or my) parents’ actions. The parties at fault are those who made the decision (however uninformed or even coerced they feel it may have been) to mutilate your penis without your consent. If you have recourse against anybody, it’s them.

  10. @CoderHead – But they would have never done such a thing if their religion had not indoctrinated them to believe such mutilation was right.  A brainwashed person is not fully responsible for the actions they perform under said influence.  The brainwasher holds more responsibility, and should be more harshly punished. 

  11. @Jal_Phoenix – But then you open the doors for people to stop taking responsibility for their actions. “I was brainwashed” becomes a valid defense, and the legal system falls to pieces. I know what you’re saying, I just don’t think I can agree.

  12. @CoderHead – you’re not wrong.  There needs to be a level of personal responsibility, but the instigator also needs to be held responsible.  Note that Charlie Manson is in jail along with his followers, even though he never killed anyone.  He just brainwashed them into it.