I view bacon as its own food group at the top of the pyramid. It cannot be compared to other meats because it’s just so much better than anything else out there. It’s obviously better than fruits, veggies and cheese, duh. I’d even say it’s better than chocolate — and anybody who knows me knows that really means something.

Yes, that’s chocolate-covered bacon.

I would gladly give up all other meat if I could still have bacon. In fact, I’d give up all other food if I could still have bacon. I’m sure that would be short-lived (meaning I’d almost certainly die soon thereafter) but I’d be happy. Isn’t that what life is all about? I think so.

So anyway, I semi-regularly do bacon experiments either for my own amusement or for social occasions. My first adventure was a bacon explosion. It’s amazing. It’s like eating an entire pig, for real. It’s a pound of bacon-wrapped sausage, filled with bacon! It turned out to be everything I had hoped for and more.

Bacon-filled pig wrapped in bacon. What’s not to like?

My next, smaller venture was brown sugar-coated, bacon-wrapped Lil’ Smokies. Again, amazing. The sweet taste of the caramelized brown sugar alongside the salty decadence of the bacon and smoked sausage is almost enough to put you in a coma of bliss…or cholesterol. Whatever, it’s damn tasty and I’m not going to apologize.

Lil’ Smokies, how I love thee…with bacon.

So I was thinking, “I’ve got these hot dogs in the fridge, buns in the pantry, and a plentiful supply of bacon. What do I do?” Bacon-wrapped hot dogs, of course! This one didn’t go so well. I don’t know if I’m just not a fan of the hot dogs I used or what, but it can’t possibly be the bacon’s fault. Regardless, after eating BBQ sauce-glazed, bacon-wrapped, Kroger brand hot dogs I developed horrible indigestion. I belched throughout the night — rancid, face-melting belches that had no right to exist. I’m not doing this again.

I’m getting a stomach ache just looking at you, evil hot dogs!

Do you experiment with bacon? Do you even like bacon? If not, are you even human?? Let me know!